This post is a reply to this so its advisable for you to read that first.
Disclaimer: I am NOT being feminist and going on a rah rah rant about men. I’m just here to say that the principle behind the Ladder Theory is not completely BS and it expresses a sentiment that I think is true. But just because I agree with some of it and am doing my best with my own explanation, I do not agree with everything said in it and I do agree, that it could do with some language polishing. ( Seriously, women make slow passionate luuuuuuurve. Men f*** like animals) TWO, as always, its not a one stop shop so obviously there are going to be exceptions both ways so I’d very much appreciate if you would not pick some bra burning feminist who wants to act, think and be a man, or a metro or a uber guys who want intensely feel their feminine side right. This is what I think the general rule is.
The idea behind LT is simply because Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus.
1) Men can have 2 ladders too AKA I can be friends with a woman I want to sleep with. I can have female friends I do not want to sleep with
Uh right. The question here is WHY. Because you are attracted to them. Ok, to qualify here, attraction may not necessarily just be physical attraction but a composition of other factors. ( Er, I do not recommand the LT’s deconstruction of attraction because it is rather dubious and erm, biased) Anyway, the premise is that you would not sleep with a person you find unattractive by choice. ( Shenagians taking place under the influence of alcohol is tricky but I classify it as not voluntary, because you’re not conscious and two, if you need alcohol to sleep with her ( and obviously I’m talking about copious amounts here, not the glass of red wine you use to set the mood and other 101 things that males think are slick seductive tactics. FYI, WE KNOW) obviously THEN you are not attracted to her. Need I say more?)
The problem here, of the single versus double, lies in the definition of sex. For men, the act of SEX is defined differently than for women, such that they can CONSIDER and ACT upon sleeping with someone they may not find attractive, if the need arose ( with external aid of course. I’m not that cruel.) The reason why you only need one ladder is because the act of sex is just that to most males, sex. So I can have sex with a woman=1 whom I considered a friend before and still be friends with her the next morning.
But ah, with women, its a whole different ball game. Women need all the schinding, they need commitment, they want the champagne and they want the roses ( nope, no red wine still). Why? Because women are emotional. It is much harder for them to separate the intellect and the emotion from the sex. Sex is about making luuuuuuuurve. Hence, they’ll find it harder to be friends with someone they have slept with - if they are attracted to him, they expect something more. If not, they try to creep away before breakfast.
Ok, I hear alarm bells ringing because you’re thinking, then why are there men who are not friends with the unattractive women they have slept with. Chances are the male guy thought it was okay but the female was attracted to him and hence, she expected something MORE. MORE scared the boy and he ran away. That’s that. OR he is gay and he regrets it horribly but classifies IT NEVER HAPPENED because you don’t swing the same way ( I mean, guys, if you happened to have gay sex, and you were straight with no fetishes, you’re really not going to be announcing it to the world aight?) OR he has not figured out he is gay.
2) Mating Game is different from Ladder theory because it permits a scenario where a man can be friends with a woman whom has would never consider having sex with.
Precisely. A guy is friends with a woman he would never consider having sex with, ( assuming because she is Unattractive), its just that for men, its on the same damned ladder, because men do not have intellectual whores. They have guy friends for that. Men got that down to a pat. Women, on the other hand are confusing things by saying there are platonic relationships. There are no platonic relationships, only guys I am not attracted to but I’d like you well enough if you were a girl so I’m going to pretend you are a girl.
Under the Mating Game theory, men can be friends with an unattractive woman whom they would never want to sleep with – but such a person is someone whom they would never date because the ultimate goal of dating is mating.
The Mating game explores two people who are mutually attracted to each other at the beginning before you are sized up to be a mate. The Ladder theory explores the after - After the date, which part of the ladder do you fall on? The ladder theory does not advocate random sleeping around with woman . It provides a scenario where you can’t get your number 9 so you go for a number 1.It’s a back up plan. It’s a bastard-y thing to do because the only way the women who is unattractive to you will sleep with you is if she is attracted to you, so basically you are leadin her on but hey, if we are bitches, you guys can be bastards for a while. ( and yes yes, I know they are not opposites but for argument sake)
3) The attached friend
It is a bold but fallacious assumption to state (and I quote directly): “If they are attached, you are only being their friend in hope that something more can develop when they are single.”
Cut me some slack. It’s a bloody tagboard with a 200 character limit. I needed succinct expression without flooding your tag-board.
At this juncture, I’m going to ask for a little leeway because I’m in an Alan Shore mood, so please indulge me in my candour. I’m going to level with you and grant you a few concessions.Men are sexual creatures. When we’re not physically undressing an attractive woman, we’re doing so mentally.
Thank you but its PRECISELY because of that you do not need a friend ladder. Because the intellect and emotion, is kept separate from sex. Hence, why friendship and sexual compatibility can co exist on the same ladder.
The other reason (and I don’t see how this point could have been missed) is that we befriend an attached girl because she is nice. It’s not rocket science. If an attached girl is nicer than the norm (and many of them are because they have less frustration and angst than some single females do), then that could be a really good reason for being her friend.
I befriend an attached girl, (as in I purposefully seek her out to be my friend) , because she is nice. Also because, YOU WANT TO GET TO KNOW HER BECAUSE SHE IS ATTRACTIVE TO YOU. How many unatttactive nice girls you become friends with, out of your own accord? You hear, that silence, ya, that’s right. ZERO.
You cannot deny that you settle for being an attractive attached friend’s “friend” in hope that something will develop, that when the loser of her bf dumps her, she’ll cry into your shoulder and hence set the stage for your transition into dating utopia, which may or may not occur because she may or may not find you attractive. ( chances are she’ll go back to loser boyfriend) But reason stands, that if you were really attracted to her and she was unattainable, you would not want to prolong the heartbreak, knowing she is unattainable UNLESS there is a little bit of foolish hope present that someday, or until someone better comes along, something might happen. Qualification : When I say friends, I do not mean acquaintance, I mean a real friend, that you attempt to pursue a true friendship, to get to know her, what makes her tick etc. etc (and this is so not linked to altruism. If a guy wants to know what makes you tick, he’s feeding you a line in hope that you’ll overlook the fact that he’s actually a 2 on your ladder even though you’re a 6 in his and sleep with him. )
Moreover, being attached makes her seem less attractive because she is less attainable. Since, men do the pursuing traditionally, unless the woman is really worth the effort,say a 9 or he’s got something to prove to himself, he is not going to expend the effort truly pursuing her. There is no bad boy syndrome for guys as there is for girls (unless the bad girl in question is easy, and likes to spread her legs as much as her love ).
AH! You go but then how come, a guy pursues a realtionship with a person he swore never to ( Its alright with girls because we are fickle). The good thing about men, is that because they have one ladder, there’s no jumping around. The only way is up. If a girl is unattractive at first to you but after becoming a friend, she becomes more attractive, she moves up your ladder, hence the chances that you’ll sleep with her becomes higher.
Remember the ladder theory is not about mutual attraction, because if there is mutual attraction, there wouldn’t be a problem. The problem here is the uncertainty and the unrequited hormones.
You don’t have to suscribe to this theory. You don’t have to ackowwledge this, you do not have to mentally picture any of your female friends as attractive. You can also be spared the trauma of imagining them nekkid.
But deep down, you know. You SO know, this might have a shred if truth in it.
Prosecution awaits
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