ode to too many emotions

overwhelmed

but

don't care

enough

to blog would



rather

wallow


(like a swallow)

snap - rame

Okay, so far everybody has loads to say about matric day and uni in general.

I have two words so far.
It sucked.

First, by the freaking time we got upstairs to the fair, we realised that
a) we were just in time to clean up for them
b) we were conned into getting a ten dollar matric pack in which I got a cheena magazine
c) Our bags pooled together broke a total of 6 times. And it didn't even wait till we were outside.
d) It rained..sorry POURED, no actually FLOODED and we were in heels. Un sensible shoes but WTH.
e) we get asked whether we actually will be able to navigate ourselves to where ever we are supposed to go.
f) We were asked about a million times " did you guys plan your outfits together" in one permutation or the other. Trust me, we were just as surprised as you were. *gasp* nooooooooooo!

okay i shouldn't rant anymore. I just read some stuff and I feel bad. Its this odd feeling that I keep feeling apologetic to people for having a normal and happy life. Relatively happy.
I feel bad that I am so ungrateful and small when people my age, have so much problems. People dying, people disappearing, people not having a whole set of parents. life being horrible, moving away, not going where they want to.

I comparativley live a life of ease.

I get along with my mum and dad except a few skirmishes.
They may be strict but I'm pretty much okay with it. Mostly, I think they strike an okay balance. And some may not understand it but I do and I'm fine.
They are happy together.
I actually like my brother and we are surprisingly close. (as disgusting it may be)
I don't get into huge cat fights and I'm happy with my friends (Though, i'm irresponsible)
I've never had to cope with a death of someone so close.
I keep in touch (mostly) with people who move away
I'm doing something I want.
I don't really have to deal with financial trouble

I know, rationally, I shouldn't have to feel guilty about my life. Because, I think I do earn it in some ways. I do believe I accept things and compromise, without dwelling too much on why they may not have worked out, which I guess gives some mode of satisfaction in my life. Acceptance leads to happiness.

Which I think explains, the guilt cutting doubly quick when I'm confronted with pain in any form. I am unable to deal with it any other way.

I am sorry.

Pathos

Sometimes, you read words in a book filled with so much significance and sadness, that you just shut it, unwilling to read beyond, afraid of what you might read and the pain you feel.
Yet, unable to realise who the pain is for..
Is it for

Yourself?

or the character?

Your throat closes up at the beauty of that moment. That poetic emotion. That wistfulness and longing transposed onto your mind by the author. Sadness and grief never come calling alone. They always come mixed in with hope, hence making the hopelessness more acute.

Then you can't take the grief closing in on you and you reopen the book again, transported.

I do not think I should provide a continuation to the previous post.
It was as if I was a rabbit on carrot juice *snort*

so I will have a new post! That's a pic of me and di!! yes, i look bald, completely and irrevocably. and that is Diane.. the female keyboardist of Magdalene in ST School of Rock! and I know her!(its not one of those,
"omgsocoolcanitakeapicturewithaacelebrity" pictures)

well that's that

fee fi fo fum, I smell the blood of an Englishman

FREE FLOW OF THOUGHTS

Wishful Scenario: Pouring outside. I'm huddled in my bed, with my favourite pillow on my bed, good book, some chocolate and a mug of hot tea..

Actual Scenario: Pouring outside. Trapezing through NUS in the -10 degree AIRCONDITIONED room for medical examination.

New Happenings in my Life
My completely adorable niece is in town!!!! Ain't she adorable?! She really is!!! She repeats whatever you say, has conversations with her doll.. and laughs with them.. (if she was older, it wouldn't really be cute) and loves to play with "meows meows" in the neighbourhood. I looooooove seeing her

• Had a fab, giggly, incoherent outing with Haniza on Saturday. We were shopping for furnishings to (duh) furnish her hostel room. And we got this completely retro chinese lantern (think Tintin in Blue Lotus) and erm, other very useful items that will aid her. Through this foraging, we unearthed things such as

The completely country themed retro but highly useful jar that can be used to store anything from Prunes to Paper clips

Haniza doing her furitive cool jap poser rocker weird thang

Bold Artistic Statement (aka T(w)oo Short Arms)

Contd: Friday July 22nd 3:47
Listening to : TaxiRide - Afterglow

And that was like last Saturday.. You can see how long this thing has been stewing in the pot. Its probably overcooked. alot.Well, Wennesday and Thursday was meetin with my mates again. Yes, I'm practising to go Sydney in December so I wld be like INNIT with ma mates down there. though INNIT is brit. and "ma" is plain NYish.Tsk. Globalisation. and accents. Being a poser is hard in this day and age. Conflict ensues as we are unable to decide who exactly to emulate. 'Tis terrible indeed

Well, anyway on Toosday ( I just wanted to say that, it was Wednesday actually) was like fun as I went out with Diane and Melody *whistle* and Di turned up like at 25:00. hahaha. really. She was so late!! We went to Marche's and had the best cake in the whole wide world -Death by Chocolate. *grin* It was faboooolous and we were all giggly and we kept quizzing Di about the of her School.. Obron I think !? (Oops :]) Can't spell at any rate. Shoot, I'm running outta time... then After that went to See THe Musical Fountain at Sentosaaaaaaa.......was fabolous. Really fab. I felt like a kid all over again... its wonderful isn't it.. to feel like a kid.. to giggle and marvel, to catch your breath at the most inane things. But u are given leave to marvel because u are a kid. Its fantastic. to see the world through a kid's eyes. To find joy in everything.. Including sneezing. hahahah.

To be Contd'

(Btw, see if u can spot a hidden code in the mass of incoherency ;])

Yes, I am obsessing

I promised I wouldn't obsess but WHY CANNOT PEOPLE STAY IN THEIR LITTLE ORBITS. I know, its obsessive but sub consciously I just keep freaking.

Can you imagine, if one day Jupitar thought it would be really funny if , hur hur, Let's go crash Mars' orbit so I can get to know him better. DO YOU KNOW WHAT WILL HAPPEN?!

WAR OF THE WORLDS

Nature has ordained us to stay in out orbits for a reason.I do not see Earth vying to join Mercury or Venus. Why can we not? IT IS NATURE"S ORDER.

It would be okay, if my spheres converge slowly, but they ALL GODDAMN INSIST ON A FULL FRONTAL COLLISION COURSE.

stay, boy stay.
we need more dog commands

yes keep counting

Yes, it is our friendly list again

1) My dad and I were discussing the whole NKF saga and we concluded that the reason TT Durai is suffering so much is because he was arrogant. Pride does come before fall, definitely. It was not so much the fact that he was receiving that exorbitant amount of money but rather, he was not honest about it. And that he was arrogant about it. Arrogant that he was not beholden to the people who was "paying" him and owed them enough transparency... okay I should stop before I get my pants sued off for slander. Such things I can only afford 5 years later :)

2) I have a headache, not the normal nice ache-in-the-back-of-your-head-that-will-go-away but the vicious-SOB-smashed-me-in-the-head-with-a-sledgehammer kinda headache. And it was all due to the what J and I (yes, yes, I watch One Tree Hill on Starworld and you can tell I watched this week :]) demolished last night. stupider things followed. The reminder (and the remains) is the headache. :)

3) Angst update : I had further revelations about myself and I am unhappy because I require a paradigm shift. I do not really want to discuss it but I guess, the poseuring (which yes,I freely admit I am. All of us are *thpthhhhhhh* :P but I do want to say that I am less poseur then some others I know but nevertheless, a poseur.) will have to go on for a while as I realise, it is just that sometimes, dgjlk;dvx;ldfkjdlgkjdljoftieu, things are so much harder to explain.

4) Further Angst report : I still feel conflicted and its so frustrating. I don't why I feel so beholden. I don't feel there is anything wrong but the guilt is there. The guilt is hanging there. I really need to get a grip on this karma thing. Its driving me insane.really.

I had this huge paragraph about paradigm shifts and my feeling miserable because I realise somethings I believed in or though I believed in needed re evaluating. But I'm not publishing all that angst .The eggs will always be sunny side up. And, i'm an insecure and a rather private git. so my true angsting will never be exposed to all of you.

And the six degrees thing? it just got closer. Oh, yes, definitely making me feel better. hell ya

SO MUCH FREAKING CLOSER.

Click here to view the debate photos.

so long and say bye to all the fishes

This is a shoutout to anyone and everyone who has ever tried to contact me through my mobile. I need to clear up a few things

1) I am not avoiding you

2) The reason why I do not pick up is because my phone is on silent

3) Because, my phone is on silent and I often forget to switch it back on to noisy, I lose it

4) Places, like one of my million bags. Because, it is on silent and I can't remember where I left it, I can reach upto 48hrs without realising I have no phone (if I am at home)

5) I am not very attached to my phone so I can go for long periods of time without it

6) This does not mean, I like losing it.

7) I know its frustrating because I hate people who do not pick up, (but thank god, all of u are not like that..me)and I'm sorry, but I do not mean to be hypocritical.

8) I do this to everyone, with no discrimination, whether you're my parents, my best friend or any of my close friends, acquaintances, unknown people.

9) Guys who may have got my number through various means and methods, I urge you to try calling me again. ;)

10) I love you all. I mean, all of you guys, not the aforementioned GUYS, though I'd probably love you GUYS too, I mean, since you want to call me but that doesn't mean I don't...

Picture Story

Are u feeling pissed?
Wanting to hit something so bad?
Think that someone's web's is irritating?
Because all s/he can do is whine about themselves 24h?
Or does Google look way too good?
Making too much money like it should?
Never Fear because Netdisaster's here

*~x~x~x*

TJ Debate has successfully navigated another year into the impropmtu round and yesterday was a night of relative fun and laughter. Let the pictures speak for themselves.

.
.
.
.

It started out ... well u can figure it out..
if one is flipping to the camera


while one is sleeping ..
the other one, swinging the phone round and round... deadened

with the last one is huddled in a foetal position, so traumatised.

But never fear, there is hope.. as the team forges one ahead as one

despite distractions ..

and evil ploys to forcefully deflower the mascot and kill it...

because we had a secret weapon...

.
.
.
.

!!!! THE SPEAR OF DESTINY !!!

And having done the perilous task of kicking some "dumb butt",

the team proceeded to celebrate ..

how they knew best..

with a smashing ending of

a rather horrible artistic picture of the fireworks :)

Chiang Ky's a splendid teacher. He teaches Social Studies, and
I've learnt more English from him than I have ever learnt from the

from here

I guess DH was his tru calling more than TK was. I wonder whether May Tan would soon be receiving accolades.

To please the narcisstic in me.

Get to know yourself better

Your view on yourself:You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:You like to flirt and behave seductively. The opposite sex finds this very attractive, and that's why you'll always have admirers hanging off your arms. But how serious are you about choosing someone to be in a relationship with?

Your views on education: Education is less important than the real world out there, away from the classroom. Deep inside you want to start working, earning money and living on your own.

The right job for you:You have many goals and want to achieve as much as you can. The jobs you enjoy are those that let you burn off your considerable excess energy.

How do you view success:You are confident that you will be successful in your chosen career and nothing will stop you from trying.

What are you most afraid of:You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel.

Who is your true self:You are full of energy and confidence. You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an ocean. You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long.

Do it here .

deep thoughts

It is saddening
galling
disillusioning
disconcerting
to realise that I am much more of a goody two shoes and a conservative girl than the reckless,spontaneous one I should be.

Is that maturity creeping on me?
You gotta be kidding me.

technological advancements

a very rare insight into my brain

Time: 12.30
Doing : Watching Drake and Josh on Snick
Thought: I must be the last person in Sinagpore my age who is a girl from around the same circumstances to probably get a driver's license because I haven't even signed up for my basic theory. All that interia probably had to dissipate somewhere and it ended up in me. Whyyy am I sooooooo lazy. Oh look, Drake's kinda cute.

So the Russian gets kicked by the US again

Venus Williams beat Maria Sharapova *ringing appluase* YESS!!!!! Now maybe, she has to rethink the no-back-shots ban (yes, she did this as she felt violated, thinking that photographers were only interested in taking pictures of her butt) and get back to what Kournikova started.

I should seriously quit blog surfing. I'm tired of feeling wistful and envious reading about things that I want to do which others are doing. Which I am not doing because I procrastinate and am host to changing circumstances. Which makes me feel hell lot worse. I am content yet discontent.

I feel better already :) -Zen-