I really need to get the fear off...
a) The germs in my chest are holding a top-secret meeting, with their version of the media, thus explaining the wheezing
b) I really need to invent, a lil' vaccuum machine that could be inseted through the windpidpe, like an endoscope, so as to suck up the phlegm periodically, saving all the coughing
c) OR invent a fishing rod thingamajig which can hook out all that phlegm as well, because seriously I think its just this huge glob surrounding my lungs, (Personally, I think it looks like one of those wobbly, gloopy, globs of dried UHU glue, but that's just me)
d) Simply, find a way to cut open my chest and just extract all that phlegm.
Sadly, all these little childhood dreams were dashed when I found out, with a little help from biology, that phlegm cells mutate and multiply to produce excess phlegm and clog my small airway passages and thus, not being a one off trade, won't really help.
But what, got me really scared is that I'm 18 and I probably have the beginnings of adult asthma which isn't going away anytime soon. I'm re taking the steriods I used to take when I was a kid. My mum, of course, says that it used to be hell lot worse. I used to have blue lips and I would struggle to breathe so bad. And I used to sound like an express train. Seriously, I only had my first taste of cola when I was 12.
Then, I thought I out grew it. By 14, the atttacks slowed down to a little bit more than once in 2 months.
Then, I started taking Prednisiloyne again last year and it really, hit me yesterday, when I got prescribed Celistone ( I used to love taking this as a kid, not because I was a druggie, but because it reminded me of "My little pony". Like i have my own, precious stone.haha), that I'm stepping back into steroids when I was slowly weaned off it from 12 onwards. And I'm at 18, on the point of an adult, and no longer is there time to "outgrow" it.
And my doctor didn't help, by legitimately pointing out, that I'm never on regular medication and that so many people, even doctors, just die from asthma suffocation. Developing a high tolerance for physical pain is dangerous because most of them , I'm wound so tight but I never realise it until I'm at teh doc's office and she's be like "GO ON THE NEBULISER NOW!" "Asthma is not curable, its just controllable." -she'll say that.
But the deepest fear of having asthma is that, I don't want to be left behind NOW. Actually, that was always my fear - that asthma would put me back. I used to force myself to go to school as a kid right after the nebuliser and I don't know how, I'd come back home, normal. My other doctor, actually marvels at that. There was only once, in sec2, during My Fair Lady, that I had a really bad attack and I still refused to go home until the show ended.
I get attacks every time I have a really bad cold but I try not to acknowldge it until the third day onwards, when I really wheeze like nuts. haha.
I'd go for P.E. lessons, even though I was excusable.
Of course, skipping P.E. in JC was another matter. That was a kleptomaniac thrill.
No one can really tell if I'm sick cuz I would do mind control with my body, forcingmyself to breathe normal, when all I wanted to do was claw for air.
And now, when I finally thought I'm in the clear, I may be down for life.
Its not cancer *touch wood* or kidney stones *touch wood again* but I don't want to be dependent on any medication at the drop of a hat.
Well, I've finally confronted the real reason in such a drama mama way. hahah
I sound mildly psyhco but maybe if its all black and white, I'd finally do something about it.
Maybe. I'm just a stubborn fool.
I still want to invent the vaccuum cleaner thingamajig.
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