for one thing, I'm known to be quite an Ah Lian. I mean, Janice was bad enough but I guess Ah Lian is something I deserve. but wa lau.
Return concert was dismal and that is quite an understatement. I had one of the worst experiences emcceing. I have never felt so awkward up there and feeling nothing coming back from the audience, its terrible. And feeling zero rapport, its an inbuilt mechanism to switch to my nervous mode. Man, and yes, other people, twitch and crack their knuckles, I just talk. And Í'm not used to feeling this way. I definitely am not. On the bright side, just about half way through it "I was thinking, fuck all. Who cares?" So, what if these people think I am an idiot. Its not like your impressions really matter. And yes, so I screwed up. Its probably going to just be filed as "humiliating moment 847929" And after a while, you just get used to feeling like an idiot.
This is why I hate law school sometimes. Feeling awkward in my own skin is not something I need right now, especially when I am suffering from all these pangs of cultural and identity crisis. I'm not used to feeling unsure of myself. I'm not used to thinking so much before doing things (for that matter, I'm not used to thinking at all) and I''m definitely not used to giving much weight to other people's opinions. I don't know what happened but I want to revert back to the happy-go-lucky self. The Bo chap self that is still a motor mouth (This is distinguishable from energiser bunny on carrot juice because motor mouth implies some sort of control mechanism in place, unlike the former, which just represents a drunk insane uncontrollable urge ) and brash. urgh. Maybe this is growing up - starting to realise you can't say or dowhat you want regardless of what people think. Because you need to integrate into society and chances of you meeting someone who is programmed to think like you is far and few between.
And that's not even touching all the academia crap I have to go through. Talking (Well, typing) about academics , Torts test was a revelation, not about law but about a new scientific phenomenon
Now I'm sure many of you have experienced this strange unexplainable feat during a test which has a dumbass time limit , especially when, due to divine intervention (you really cannot explain it any other way), you actually have loads of things to say. And due to the dumbass time limit, you realise you have to squeeze three and a half million words in 5 minutes. And this phenomenon occurs
Your brain knows that logically, for you to squueze n number of words in 5 minutes, your hands have to write faster and it sends a signal to your hand nerve "FASTER!". However, what actually happens, in a yet unexplained biological interaction, is that your hands actually slow down. You can physically feel your hands, conciously slowing down, giving you the feeling of being filmed in slow motion. Like one of those climatic cinematic moments, when the one legged runner pushes through the final line, your hand slows to a standstill such that you can feel yourself pushing the pen and scratching the paper, line by line. Its like your hand is fighting with you, resisting you and every movement is a battle, pushing the pen to do what you want. Oddly, time seems to have moved on at a much faster rate and before you realise you scratched two lines, its over. This is what the Torts test taught me
On a brighter note, the chocolate buffet at the Fullerton was quite nice. And satisfying, did not exceed or meet expectations but it was not too bad. Chocolate is after all chocolate. But the fountain was fun and there were quite a few interesting concotions like choclate yoghurt.
I am going to sleep. should not function without it.
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